Dear Happiness,

The pursuit of happiness is the chase of a lifetime!

It is never too late to become what I might have been.

A Certain Sadness

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When I was a kid, I love using the sunset as my subject for my paintings..and whenever I look at the sunset it always reminds me of this particular song. My mom - a certified Astrud Gilberto fan, made me love this song..and it grew on me...Whenever I hear this it gives me the feeling of "nostalgia"..."melancholy"...it makes me think about people who are very close to my heart...

I AM ...???

you can never be happy with something that was wrong,

but if somewhere along the way what was wrong made you happy,
then it must have been right all along......

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Sometimes I trade right for wrong..but that only makes me human. Sometimes I smile when I'm hurting, but then again..im only human. Sometimes I feel so strong..but there are also days I feel I'm at my weakest. Sometimes I wanted to go on..but oftentimes I feel that I'm all alone in this journey after all...I always remind myself..God knows exactly how much I can take --and he will not permit me to reach a breaking point....so if I'm able to reach the end of "this" road..will life be fair to me now?

How Can I Not Love You

Cannot touch, cannot hold, cannot be together

Cannot love, cannot kiss, cannot love each other

Must be strong and we must let goCannot say what our hearts must know

How can I not love you

What do I tell my heart

When do I not want you here in my arms

How does one walks away

From all of the memories

How do I not miss you when you are gone

Cannot dream, cannot share sweet and tender moments

Cannot feel how we feel, must pretend it’s over

Must be brave and we must go on, must not say

What we’ve known all along

How can I not love you

What do I tell my heart

When do I not want you here in my arms

How does one walks away

From all of the memories

How do I not miss you when you are gone

How can I not love you

Must be brave and we must be strong

Cannot say what we’ve known all along

How can I not love you

What do I tell my heart

When do I not want you here in my arms

How does one walks away

From all of the memories

How do I not miss you when you are gone

How can I not love youWhen you are gone

Love is being UNSELFISH

You can shed tears that he is gone,
or you can smile because he has lived.
You can close your eyes and pray that he'll come back,
or you can open your eyes and see all he's left.
Your heart can be empty because you can't see him,
or you can be full of the love you shared.
You can turn your back on tomorrow and live yesterday,
or you can be happy for tomorrow because of yesterday.
You can remember him only that he is gone,
or you can cherish his memory and let it live on.
You can cry and close your mind,be empty and turn your back.
Or you can do what he'd want:smile, open your eyes, love and go on."
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I finally felt love. Ive finally proven to myself that pure love is being unselfish.
at the same time...Now I know how painful real love is. Im hurting like I've never felt before
I can't even say everythings going to be just fine for me. Because that love is all I ever had. But then, I have my angel..I'm still alive...She will help me to survive.

Live until the last moment.

"He died while he was still
alive."

That might sound like a contradiction in terms, but I knew many people who had ceased to live, even though they continued to work and eat and engage in their usual social activities. They did everything automatically, oblivious to the magic moment that each day brings with it, never stopping to think about the miracle of life, never understanding that the next minute could be their last on the face of this planet.

excerpts from The Zahir by Paulo Coelho

BookLog: Every Inch of Her by Peter Sheridan

Philomena Nolan is a force to be reckoned with. At five foot six and two hundred forty pounds, her size alone is intimidating. But it is the power of her personality, with her brazen humor and no-nonsense attitude, that really gets people's attention. So how does a woman who appears so strong find herself at the door of the Good Shepherd's convent one night, seeking refuge?

"I feel like Julie Andrews in The Sound of Music," Philomena says to Sister Rosaleen, who is eyeing Philo with trepidation. Philomena has always used humor as both a weapon and a shield, and she needs her armor now-she's never felt quite as vulnerable as she does at this moment. But how far can her humor take her this time? Can it get her past the fact that she's walked away from her family, including her five children, hoping for a better life for them all?Sister Rosaleen does open the door for Philo. She has no idea at the time, however, how Philo will change her life, opening her eyes to a world beyond the church. In fact, because of Philo's insistence on embracing life and moving forward, she has an impact on every individual she meets: Cap and Dina, after feuding for forty years, finally make peace and come together; the once-complacent seniors at the convent's Day Centre are now alive with song and conversation; and the men in her life, who up till now have failed her miserably, all discover there's a price to pay for not treating people with the respect and dignity they deserve. Shaped by the hard-learned lessons of her difficult life, Philo has no time for gossip or greed, regret or self-pity, and won't stand for it in others either.

Through this remarkable character, Peter Sheridan, a well-known memoirist and one of the best-known figures in Irish contemporary theater, explores with humor, poignancy, and light some very dark issues, including domestic violence and sexual abuse, as well as the universal themes of family, love, and forgiveness, all against the backdrop he knows best-Dublin, Ireland. As we travel with Philo on her journey toward redemption, we are reminded that she is indeed extraordinary, but that most of all she is human, with frailties as well as strengths. The way she overcomes her weaknesses is her triumph. The way she sheds pounds along with the demons of her past to gain back her family, her dignity, her life, and her future is our inspiration.

from Readinggroupguides.com

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wil be posting some excerpts from this very inspiring book soon:-)

~vidabelle~

Kurt Cobain Journals

This is not to be taken seriously.

this is not to be read as opinions.

It is to be read as poetry.

It's obvious that I am on the educated level of about 10th grade in High school. Its obvious that these words were not thought out or even reread. This writing style is what I like to call thru the perspective of a 10th grader, her/his attempt at showing that no matter what level of intelligence one is on, we all question love and lack of love and fear of love.

Its good to question authority, and to fight it just to make things a bit less boring,but i've always reverted back to the conclusion that man is not redeemable and words that dont necessarily have their expected meanings can be used descriptively in a sentence as ARt. True english is so fucking boring. And this little pit-stop we call life, that we so seriously worry about is nothing but a small, over the weekend jail sentence, compared to what will come with death.

Life isn't nearly as sacred as the appreciation of passion.

Excerpts form Kurt Cobain Jurnals-- If You Read, You'll Judge.

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I grew up with my 2 older brothers beside me, so its not really a surprise that I had to get used to the sounds of STP, Megadeath, Silverchair, NIRVANA and the likes. I learned to appreciate these music--who am i kidding? I LOVED IT! The ear crushing sound that these musicians create may be annoying to some..even its lyrics may sound senseless..but it did made a difference on me..I listened. I was curious with the messages that they are trying to relay thru their songs. You see, as a kid whenever i go to booksale stores, I browse through the oldest books on sale that has been passed on-- "god knows how many times" and I always check if there are any personal dedication in it,these are books that were given as a gift..Its good to know that the book that im about to purchase has its own story to tell besides its content.The dedication though is just a hint, how this book touched many lives - will forever be a mystery to me.

This is somewhat similar with how NIRVANA caught my interest, I was curious of how he came up with such thoughts..I wanted to know the person behind the message of the song, I wanted to know his story..how he thinks..his experiences... Kurt - the songwriter is a mystery to me.

Lets not talk about how I felt when the news about his death came out--(like a girlfriend begging for an explanation perhaps??hahahah!)A person with such talent is suppose to be living life to the fullest!

This excerpt from his journal left me thinking...it made me wonder if he killed himself in favor of HIMSELF to move on from what he considered as "over the weekend jail sentence" but then life is exactly that..a passing. Life indeed is just a part of a whole journey...so people don't let life stress you out:-)always remember that Life is full of love you will never run out of it just keep your heart open at all times-- this should keep your sanity until you're ready to face a new chapter in your journey. You got a good point Kurt--however, I still believe that you will never appreciate the beauty of what wil come with death, not until you experience the importance of life. Let life takes its course..sail with the Lord and you'll never get lost.

Buy the book, its a good read--even if you're not a NIRVANA fan, it will make you realize the importance of the basic things in life that we often take forgranted.

Got the display copy from Fully Booked(sold out at Fully Booked in Serendra), I heard it's limited, not sure though.

~vidabelle~

A letter to Courtney from Kurt Cobain

Courtney,

When I say I love you I am not ashamed, nor will anyone ever ever come close to intimidating, persuading, etc me into thinking otherwise. I wear you on my sleeve. I spread you out wide open with the wing span of a peacock, yet all too often with the attention span of a bullet to the head. I think its pathetic that the entire world looks upon a person with patience and a calm demeanor as the desired model citizen. yet theres something about the ability to explain oneself with a toned down tune deaf tone. And I will say it: I am what they call the boy who is slow. how I metamorphosised from hyperactive to cement is for lark of a better knife to the throat uh, annoying, aggrevating, confusing as dense as cement. Cement holds no other minerals. You can't even find fools gold in it. It's strictly man made and youve taught me its ok to be a man and in the classic mans world. I parade you around proudly like the ring on my finger which also holds no mineral.

Love,
Kurt

excerpt from Kurt Cobain Journals - If you read, You will Judge.

Quote Me

I am not an angel and do not pretend to be.

That is not one of my roles.

But I am not the devil either.

I am a woman and a mother,

and I would like so to be judged.

I Fell inlove with this song..

MAYBE ITS YOU

Regine Velasquez

(from the TV Series Kim Sam Soon)

I've been alone searching for love

til you came along and touched my heart

With you in my life I'll never think twice

It's you I've been waiting to call

[Chorus:]

Maybe it's you I'm thinking of

Who'll mend this broken heart of mine

It's you I'm wishing for who'll be with me tonight

Someone to hold, someone to cry, someone who'll

Make me feel alive

Maybe it's you all my life

Ohh...

No lonely hours but just precious times

I turn to you and I'm alrightOh...

Never will die this feeling inside

With you every moment's forever

Maybe it's you

I'm thinking of who'll mend this broken heart of mine

It's you I'm wishing for who'll be with me tonight

Someone to hold, someone to cry, someone who'll

Make me feel alive

Maybe it's you all my live

Maybe it's you

I'm thinking of who'll mend this broken heart of mine

It's you I'm wishing for who'll be with me tonight

Someone to hold, someone to cry, someone who'll make me feel alive

Maybe it's you all my life
Someone to hold, someone to cry, someone

Who'll make me feel alive

Maybe it's you all my life
Ohhhh... Maybe it's you all my life

http://www.imeem.com/khay11butterfly/music/IltvXfLp/regine_velasquez_maybe_its_you/

Lost Love

When we started laying down rules for when love should or shouldn't
appear...That's how love got lost.

From: The Zahir

by Paulo Coelho

My Sad Heart

My sad heart

I really love you.
But I really do not know
How to make you happy.
I am trying so hard.
I have been trying so hard.
I shall be trying The same way.

But alas, my sad heart,
Will I ever see you happy
Even once in this
Undivine and hostile incarnation?

Excerpt from When I left God In Heaven by Sri Chimnoy

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id you ever felt this at one point in you life?
I did...I do..

~vidabelle~

Your Laughter

by Pablo Neruda

Take bread away from me, if you wish,

take air away, but

do not take from me your laughter

Do not take away the rose,
the lance flower that you pluck,
the water that suddenly
bursts forth in joy,the sudden wave
of silver born in you

My struggle is harsh and I come back
with eyes tired
at times from having seen
the unchanging earth,
but when your laughter enters
it rises to the sky seeking me
and it opens for me all
the doors of life.

My love, in the darkest
hour your laughter
opens, and if suddenly
you see my blood staining
the stones of the street,
laugh, because your laughter
will be for my hands
like a fresh sword.

Next to the sea in the autumn,
your laughter must raise
its foamy cascade,
and in the spring, love,
I want your laughter like
the flower I was waiting for,
the blue flower, the rose
of my echoing country.

Laugh at the night,
at the day, at the moon,
laugh at the twisted
streets of the island,
laugh at this clumsy
boy who loves you,
but when I open
my eyes and close them,
when my steps go,
when my steps return,
deny me bread, air,
light, spring,
but never your laughter
for I would die.

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The works of Pablo Neruda is a picture-perfect description of an immense love…its almost surreal. If only every girl in this planet could find her own Neruda.... This is my favorite amongst his great collection of poems.

~vidabelle~

And Because Love Battles

by Pablo Neruda

"Tomorrow we will only give them a leaf of the tree of our love,

a leaf which will fall on the earth..

like if it had been made by our lips

like a kiss which fallsfrom our invincible heights

to show the fire and the tendernessof a true love".

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this was the last part of the poem - my favorite part.
view the full poem at http://www.poemhunter.com/poem/and-because-love-battles/

Love is dangerous....And so?

Elijah stared at the wall of his room for a long time. Finally, he decided to invoke his angel.

"My soul is in danger," he said.

The angel said nothing. Elijah was in doubt about continuing the conversation, but now it was too late: he could not call him forth for no reason.

"When im with that woman, I don't feel good."

"Just the opposite, " answered the angel. "And that disturbs thee, because thou canst come to love her."

Elijah felt shame, for the angel knew his soul.

"Love is dangerous," He said.

"Very," replied the angel. "And so?"

He suddenly disappeared.


From: THe Fifth Mountain
by Paulo Coelho

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The angel said Love is dangerous..and so?
Let me tell you what I think of the angel's statement...yes love can cause you heartaches, troubles and pain..but who cares? If Love is a battlefield, then we are considered soldiers who are ready to get hurt and willing to put our lives at risk. It doesn't matter if we win or lose but its more on how we fought, how we loved---its the most beautiful thing that could ever happen to one's existence. There is no regrets in loving.

~vidabelle~

On facing life's struggles...you gain strength & wisdom.

"Then the Lord thought to Himself: They would not walk? Then let them be idle for a long time!
"And only then did we understand His message. The steel of Assyrian blades swept away our youth and cowardice swept away our adults. Wherever they are at this moment, they are still idle; they have accepted God's curse."
"We, however, struggle with the Lord, just as we struggle with the men and women we love in our lifetime. For it is that struggle witht he divine tht bless us and makes us grow. We grasp the opportunity in the tragedy and do our duty by Him, by proving we were able to obey the order to walk. Even in the worst of circumstances we have forged ahead."
"There are moments when God demands obedience. But there are moments in which He wishes to test our will and challenges us to understand His love. We understood that will when Akbar's walls tumbled to the ground: they opened our horizon and allowed each of us to see his capabilities. We stop thinking about life and chose to live it.
"The result is good."
"Tomorrow I shall deliver Akbar without struggle; I am free to leave whenever I choose, for I have done what the Lord expected of me. But my blood, my sweat, and the only love I have known are in the soil of this city, and I have decided to remain here the rest of my days, to prevent its being destroyed again. Make whatever decision you wish but never forget one thing: all of you are much better than you believed."
"Take advantage of the chance that tragedy has given you; not everyone is capable of doing so."

From: The Fifth Mountain
by Paulo Coelho

On wanting to be happy..

" I apologize for not being as direct as the two previous speakers, but I nevertheless have something to say. I went to train station today and learned that the distance between railway tracks is always 143.5 cm , or 4 ft 8 1/2 inches. Why did this absurd measurement? I asked my girlfriend to find out and this is what she discovered.

When they built the first train carriages, they used the same tools as they had for building horse-drawn carriages. And why that distance between the wheels on carriages? Because that as the width of the old roads along which the carriages had to travel. And who decided that roads should be that width? Well, suddenly we are plunged back into the distant past. It was the Romans, the first great road builders, who decided to make their roads that width. And why? Because their war chariots were pulled by two horses, and when placed side by side, the horses they used at the time took 143.5 cm.

"So the distance between the tracks I saw today, used by our state of the art high speed trains was determined by the Romans. When people went to the United States and started building railways there, it didn't occur to them to change the width and so it stayed as it was. This even affected the building of space shuttles. American engineers thought the fuel tanks should be wider, but the tanks were built in Utah and had to be transported by train to the Space center in Florida, and the tunnels couldn't take anything wider. And so they had to accept the measurement that the Romans had decided was the ideal. But what has all this to do with marriage?

I paused. Some people were not in the slightest bit interested in railway tracks and had started talking among themselves. Others were listening attentively, among them Marie & Mikhail.

"It has everything to do with marriage and with the two stories we have just heard. At some point in history, someone turned up and said: When people get married, they must stay frozen like that for the rest of their lives. You will move along side by side like two tracks, keeping always that same distance apart. Even if sometimes one of you needs to be a little farther away or a little closer, that is against the rules. The rules say: Be sensible, think of the future, think of your children. You can't change, you must be like two railway tracks that remain the same distance apart all the way from their point of departure to their destination. The rules don't allow for love to change, or to grow at the start and diminish halfway through-- It's too dangerous. And so, after the enthusiasm of the first few years, they maintain the same distance, the same solidity, the same functional nature. Your purpose is to allow the train bearing the survival of the species to head off into the future; your children will only be happy if you stay just as you were-- 143.5 cm apart. If you're not happy with something that never changes, think of them, think of the children you brought into the world.

"Think of your neighbors. Show them that you're happy , eat roast beef on Sundays, watch television, help the community. Think of society. Dress in such a way that everyone knows you're in perfect harmony. Never glance to the side, someone might be watching you, and that could bring temptation; it could mean divorce, crisis, depression.

"Smile in all the photos. Put the photos in the living room, so that everyone can see them. Cut the grass, practice a sport--ohm yes you must practice a sport in order to stay frozen in time. When sport isn't enough, have plastic surgery. But never forget, these rules were established long ago and must be respected. Who established the rules? That doesn't matter. Don't question them, because they will always apply, even if you dont' agree with them"

My marriage to Esther had never been the way I described: two railway tracks, always beside each other, always formiing two correct, straight lines, We had our ups and downs; one or other of us had occassionally threatened to leave for good; and yet we continued on together.

Until two years ago.

Or until the moment when she began to want to know why she was unhappy.

No one should ever ask themselves that: Why am I unhappy? The question carries whithin it the virus that will destroy everything. If we ask that question, it means we want to find out what makes us happy. If what makes us happy is different from what we have now, then we must either change once and for all or stay as we are, feeling even more unhappy.


From: The Zahir
by Paulo Coelho

Through honesty...you learn.

"Where you born here"" asks Marie, thus preventing him from finishing his sentence.

"I was born in Kazakhstan steppes."

Kazahkstan. Who's going to be brave enough to ask where Kazahstan is?

"Where's Kazahkstan?" asks the sales representative.

Blessed are those who are not afraid to admit that they don't know something.


From: The Zahir
by Paulo Coelho